Today I could eat probably anything in my house, regardless of personal preference.

Tomorrow, I could probably eat anything in YOUR house, likely to be even more removed from my personal preferences. (Should you catch me, please do not contact the police, again…)

The day after, you shall find me lurking outside my local KFC restaurant (restaurant?), licking the interior of anything smelling greasy, despite being a smug vegetarian.

Today I no longer chew, today I slurp for salivation salvation, today is a raw, green day!

I decided a couple of weeks ago, that enough is enough. My resistance to anything carby is utterly pathetic. It wasn’t always this way. I used to pride myself on my pig-headiness, my unshakable refusal in daring to partake of anything that was sugary, tasty, nice. Now my head just troughs like a pig, snuffling out truffles of the praline variety with alarming success.

No more! Today I grasp my calorific cravings and shake them by the roots. Yesterday I ventured to a place that was lost to the annals of time, to the cruciferous aisle in Aldis. Of course I have endured the consumption of broccoli, at least twice a week, albeit slathered in thick, pretend meaty gravy. But this visit…was quite unique. With a mixture of trepidation and deep pride, I reached out for the ‘Kale’, taking much longer than was necessary. Not that I was hesitant in my decision, but I wanted the good people of Nuneaton to know what kind of man I was.

The older generation will swear by a good steak, the bloodier the better. But I’m a new man, in a new world, and Kale is the benchmark for manliness. It takes serious courage to consume this foul tasting, stringy power-food. But the millennial man has a trick up his sleeve, technology. If you think for one minute I was inclined to eat this whole, think again, I blended the bejesus out of it with extreme prejudice. That’s right, I’m juicing, using only raw wholefood. I added some rather special elements too:

1 cup of Kale (Green and leafy, must be good)

1 cup of Spinach (See above)

Several stalks of coriander (Powerful antioxidant)

A few almonds and walnuts (Good fats, protein)

A small apple (Energy, low GI, keeps the doctor away)

Half a teaspoon of pine pollen (Nectar of the Gods’, has everything!)

10 drops of Ionic trace minerals (Helps bioavailability. These minerals have been farmed out of our soil, so the food we eat now is severely deficient in the nutrition we need)

Peas (Loaded with protein, green looking)

Spring water

I’m no expert on the matter, but I would bet my ARP copy of Terry Brooks first novel that this recipe will bring about some serious benefits and hopefully swiftly. Another reason other than gaining my control back, is energy, or lack of it. I am in a kind of sleepy existence where I move from one grazing pasture to the next, not really conscious of what I am becoming and with it the potential future health risks. To be clear, generally speaking my diet would be considered healthy by today’s standards, which is a little troubling in itself, but I can also see where I am heading as my resolve lessens.

I am hoping my energy will have a much needed boost, as my body will need considerably less resources to attend to digestion. Also the absorption of all these nutrients will help speed any healing and provide me with a long overdue detoxification. I expect the sugar detox to be particularly unpleasant. Fortunately last year I weaned myself of caffeine, so that is one less monkey on my shoulder as I go through carb, cold-turkey. I also expect some issues around the release of various other toxins.

So there you have it, I have taken the plunge. It will not be easy, it will not be pleasant, but I am assured by the overwhelming evidence and ‘gut’ instinct that the dividends will be remarkable. I weighed in at 15 stone 7.8 pounds this morning. I intend to have at least 2 shakes a day, a maximum of three. I will also drink spring water in between.

I will keep you updated regularly, this writer will be ready to kick lethargy and procrastination in the bootucks! If you have any suggestions or questions, then please add a comment.